Sulum Factum Magus

The caduceus meditation is a practice focused on bringing about a profound healing emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. It is based on the chakra system, and the symbolism of the staff of Hermes – the caduceus. It is intimately connected, as you might expect, with the sacred marriage. There are many ways that the sacred marriage may be performed, and in these pages you will come across some of these practices. In this series of visualisations, the sacred marriage is conducted in an abstract and energetic form, without a specific Deity focus.

As one goes through the various exercises presented here, one begins to build up a depth and luminosity to every performance of the sacred marriage, whether abstract, energetic or Deified. Each performance echoes and resonates across the dimensions of practice and concentrates within the timeless zone an ever increasing degree of connection and union, approaching from these three directions the mysterious essence behind all manifestations of the sacred marriage.

The caduceus meditation is something that must be worked with and built over several months, at least, and possibly longer. It is something that can be returned to again and again during the course of one’s life, whenever necessary or desired. It is something that will profoundly affect one’s sense of well-being, and contact with the transcendent energies of Earth and Heaven.

The caduceus meditation is particularly useful for people involved in any kind of healing work. Wholeness is its aim and objective, and wholeness means being connected intimately and knowingly with the transcendent energies of the universe. There are two strands of Divine Energy that unite to form all the manifestations of the universe. These are the White Current and the Red Current, locked in eternal mutual embrace and an endless dance. These may be spoken of metaphorically as the Red and White dragons. In Eastern Philosophy, they are spoken of as Yang and Yin. They correspond to the primal Deities of the Great Mother – the Red Current – and the All Father – The White Current. The Red Current is manifested in the power of blood, and appears in a woman’s monthly cycle, and is associated with the Earth and its ability to generate and bring forth life. The White Current is manifested in the power of semen, and is associated with a man’s ability to sew the seed of new life within a woman’s fertile womb.

Energetically, the Red Current manifests as a dull red light or wash of colour, which may intensify and concentrate to a red that is almost scarlet, and which has a pearlescent quality to it. This energy is concentrated in the centre of the Earth, and may be contacted through the visualisation of a ball of this red light at the centre of the Earth.

Energetically, the White Current manifests as a white light or wash of colour which may intensify and concentrate to a diamond like clarity and luminescence. This energy is concentrated in the Sun, not so much in its physical, but in its Astral form. This energy may be contacted through the visualisation of a ball of white light over head.

In order to achieve balance and wholeness, one must not only manifest and contact both of these energy currents in the quantity and balance that’s right for you, but must allow them to combine within oneself. For it is the combination of these two energies that gives rise to the sacred child of promise, who has knowledge of his or her mother and father, and so works through life supported and never alone. It is the child of promise that may grow to greatness as an organ of the collective consciousness of all life and creation. However, the promise is just that, a promise. To realize the promise is a journey of countless steps. However, the journey cannot be started until the child of promise is born.

The caduceus meditiation is one way to give birth to the child of promise. It is a rather impersonal way, in that it works with energies directly, rather than with Deity forms. Thus it will suit some more than others. Personally speaking, I like to work with both methods, as I find them very complimentary. Elsewhere, you may read about my work with the sacred marriage through Deity Cultivation and Projection. The approach here is perfectly complimentary to such an approach. However each approach may also stand on its own. The important thing is to pursue one approach at a time. That is, to have a particular focus to the rhythm of your inward development, in any one period of time. The caduceus meditation will require at a minimum, one to three months in order to provide its benefit to you. During this time, it should be the principal practice, though not necessarily the only practice.

Changes that you might expect to see within yourself as you do this practice:

(1) You may find yourself bursting into tears at the drop of a hat

(2) You may find yourself feeling extraordinarily happy and hopeful for no apparent reason

(3) You may find that you suddenly know exactly what you need to do to improve some situation in your life

(4) You may find yourself with feelings of courage and determination to do something that you have been putting off.

(5) You may find yourself saying things to people that you never thought you had the courage to say, and seeing things change for the better as a result

(6) You may find yourself having vivid or memorable dreams that seem to help you substantially in some way.

(7) You may find that you less often feel lost, lonely, and isolated, and more often feel inexplicably loved.

(8) You may find yourself more inclined to express your love to others in your life – friends, partners and family, verbally, or in little helpful ways around the house.

(9) You may find that tension or pain in certain parts of  the body lessens, or even disappears.

(10) You may find that your sex life improves, in terms of increased time before ejaculation for a man, or in terms of increased intensity of orgasm, arousal, and lubrication for a woman.

Each person will be different of course, and the practice will work differently in each person. However, one thing that you can be sure of, is that there will be positive changes towards wholeness in your life. These changes may be so subtle that you don’t notice them at first. However if you compare before and after emotional and physical inventories, you will begin to see that changes are taking place.

A month is a very short length of time in which to bed down and make deep seated changes. It is really the minimum time that this practice should be done in order to begin receiving benefits. But once you begin to receive these benefits, why would you want to stop? Continue on for a further couple of months, to give those changes time to take hold, and work their way throughout your being.

In the end, you must be the judge of how long to pursue this practice at any particular time. However you must give yourself a month to give it a fair trial, and then you can make your decision.

It is not a question of just launching into the practice, and doing it each day. The practice must be built, bit by bit, starting on a solid foundation. That is why a month is required. This is the time needed to work up to the full practice. You will need to set aside a period each day to work on the practice. The absolute minimum time for this is ten to fifteen minutes. The best time is at the beginning of the day, at about sunrise. This time is the time when the energies of Sun and Earth, Day and Night are at a point of balance. At this time, it is easiest to work in a balanced way with the Red and White Currents. Sunset is the second best time. It is also a time of balance, but there is a lot of activity and business going on in the psychic atmosphere at sunset, people rushing about and being caught in traffic etc. It’s not easy for most people to find a quiet space at this time. The third best time is in the evening after nine pm. Here the Red Current is waxing, and the white current is waning. However because most of us are used to working with the white current, at least unconsciously, as this is the focal point of western culture, we usually need more help contacting the red current, and find the white current easy. So a quiet time before bed will also work for most people.

As I have said before, exercises and practices for developing spiritual and magical faculties, if done correctly, take on a life of their own. One ideally enters into relationship with the practice, and out of this relationship, one begins to receive the gift of the practice. One begins to change and develop, sometimes in very subtle ways, and new skills and abilities and vistas of experience and being begin to open before one. With this change and practice, the practice itself begins to be one’s teacher, and changes and developments suggest themselves, which carry on the journey of growth and development that has been started.

So it is that the practice I have described previously, which involves the sacred marriage of Earthly and Heavenly Energies, concentrated in the abdomen through visualisation, and exercises involving the perineal muscles and the diaphragm has itself changed and transformed during my recent practice of it over the last few weeks.

So I thought I would update you on the current shape of the practice. Firstly, I found that the energy would come in very strongly, especially the Earth energy. One breath was simply not enough to re-flood my aura with heavenly light, as the Earth light continued to shine so strongly within me. So to accommodate this I have gone to a system of two complete in and out breaths for each of the Earthly and Heavenly currents, in the following Sequence.

(1) Breathe in. Place one’s attention on the ball of dark red Earth Energy beneath one, at the Earth’s centre. I experience this energy as cool.

(2) Breathe out. Place one’s awareness and attention on a ray of dark red Earth energy streaming out from the glowing ball beneath one, and striking one at the root chakra, at the perineum, and as it does so, beginning to fill the aura with dark red Earthlight.

(3) Breath in. Place one’s concentrated attention on the centre of the abdomen, below the naval, in the centre of the body. Allow the red Earth light to contact and energise this centre.

(4) Breathe out. Visualise a red disk, the colour of the Earth light on the palm of each hand, the soul of each foot, and at the third eye centre, and see the Earth light filling your aura like a pressurized balloon, streaming in via the ray from the glowing ball at the Earth’s centre, striking the centre of the abdomen, and from there filling the aura with the glow of Earthlight. It becomes so concentrated, the Earthlight begins to stream from your fingers and toes like sparks of electricity.

(5) While holding the breath out, contract your anal sphincter, and rapidly contract the diaphragm nine times, compressing the auric field down to a point at the centre of the abdomen, just below and behind the naval. Visualize with each diaphragm compression, the auric field shrinking down from outside the body, into a pin head size of concentrated energy at the abdominal centre, containing within it the energy that has charged up the Aura.

(6) Repeat steps (1) to (5), but this time with the energy of the spiritual sun streaming in through the top of the head at the crown chakra. Use seven compressions of the abdominal muscles instead of nine.

(7) Repeat this four breath cycle for Earth Light and the Spiritual Sun energies for several cycles, until you are thoroughly charged up, at which time there will be a dark red glowing star and a bright white or yellow star at the abdominal centre.

(8) Breathing normally, allow the white and red light serpents to emerge from the white and red stars. They are like two laser beams that emerge out and upward, like bows bulging out, then coming back together again and crossing at the solar plexus. As they meet and cross at the solar plexus, feel this energy centre charge and open. The twin laser beams, the light serpents, continue, rising up, bowing out in the opposite direction, and then meeting and crossing at the heart centre. As they do, feel the heart centre open and energize. This continues, with the next meeting and crossing at the throat centre, then finally at the third eye centre. Hold the awareness of the awakened light serpents, as you continue to breathe evenly and relaxedly.

For me the white light serpent emerges from the left star of white light, travelling up the left side of my abdomen, and crossing to the right side at the solar plexus chakra. It may work better for some to gradually build this visualisation over a number of weeks, moving up one chakra at a time, for example, and staying on a chakra for several days or a week.

In any case, allow the practice to deliver its teaching, and to develop and continue according to its inherent wisdom.

The red and white light serpents appear in the prophesies of Merlin as the warring dragons, buried under the tower being built by Vortigern the king, which each night is  mysteriously destroyed. His advisors wish the king to sacrifice a boy to cure this mysterious destruction, and Merlin is brought before them as the supposed sacrifice, being born of his Mother without mortal father. However he sees the true cause of the destruction, and advises that the workman dig under the foundations where they will find a pond, which cause the foundations to keep sinking. Merlin further advises them to drain the pond, wherein will be found two hollow stones, each containing a sleeping dragon. When this is done, the dragons are released, and begin a fierce battle with each other.

The red and white serpents are also the intertwined serpents of the Caduceus of Hermes, and represent the ascent and transformation of sexual energy, into energy for magical work and spiritual transformation.

There is much to ponder in the above – let the wise person do so, and be guided by the ancient wisdom, and the ancient ways.

Perhaps some may find it worthwhile looking into “Merlin: The Prophetic Vision and The Mystic Life”, by R.J. Stewart. It is not an easy book, but one which will repay contemplation for someone attuned to the spiritual current of these pages.

I am working with a new exercise at the moment, which I think will be of help to very many people. As you may know, I have, for many years now, suffered from irritable bowel syndrome. At least that’s what the doctor told me after innumerable tests and procedures extending over many years. Actually, I think I have been suffering from mercury poisoning, so I have recently had all my mercury containing fillings removed safely by a holistic dentist. However, that is another story, for another day! To cut to the chase, things have been improving steadily in the bowel department, and in the outlook department ever since. As part of my holistic approach to improving my health, I have a physical exercise routine which I go through, with variations, each morning. A second important aspect is spiritual well being – time for some inner work, which you will begin to get a flavour of if you stay tuned to this website! A third aspect is in spending some time each day on my True Work, the soul work, that nourishes my spirit and fulfils the purpose that I have chosen for myself, or have been vouchsafed, depending on your point of view.

However, I digress. Today, I would just like to tell you about these exercises that I have been doing which I feel will really help anyone with problems associated with bowels, liver, stomach or internal organs of the lower viscera. They are inspired by two sources that I am consciously aware of, but as far as I know, there is nothing else that is quite like what I am about to tell you. I am not sure how these things come to me, sometimes I wonder if perhaps some long lost knowledge is coming through from the Astral plane or other dimensions of time or consciousness. Sometimes I wonder if it is the subconscious creative process coming up with something completely new. Sometimes it seems that these things are a gift from various inner plane guides and contacts. However they come, I am grateful for them, and maybe they could work for you as well as they seem to work for me.

But first, I mentioned some sources. Firstly, there is the various exercises in yoga practice associated with locks, which involve various combinations of breathing in and out, followed by squeezing the muscles of the perineum together, or contracting the diaphragm. I studied Yoga for a number of years with a teacher called Darshan in

So being familiar with both of these sources, has laid the groundwork for the following exercise, which has been modified, adapted, and developed to fit into a neo-pagan system of inner development, based on the sacred marriage of Earth (Goddess) and Sun (God) energies.

Sit quietly, in a straight backed chair, with legs uncrossed, and feet flat on the ground, spine erect and balanced, head balanced on top of the spine. It is even better if you can sit in Japanese fashion on the floor, with legs folded under one in a kneeling position, so that weight is transferred to the bottom of ankles through the buttocks.

Sit quietly for a few minutes, and allow the mind to be at peace, and the breathing to become regular. Breathe deeply, but in an unforced way. Relax. Then as you breathe in, visualize white or brilliant yellow light coming in a concentrated ray from the spiritual sun, striking the top of your head, (Crown chakra) and filling your whole body and auric field with white or brilliant yellow light. When your lungs are full, in a focussed and deliberate way, squeeze closed the anal sphincter muscles, energetically closing the root chakra. While holding the breath, rapidly suck in the abdomen, and push it out again seven times. Then relax the anal sphincter, energetically opening the root chakra, and breathe out slowly and evenly, while visualising a ray of dark brown-red energy emerging from a ball of energy at the centre of the earth, and entering your body at the perineum, just forward of the anus, the location of the root chakra. See and feel it filling your body, and flowing through you into your surrounding aura as you breathe out. When breath is completely out, constrict the anal sphincter, and suck in the abdomen and push it out rapidly nine times while holding the breath out.

This cycle should be repeated for one or two minutes to start with, up to as long as you are comfortable with it. After this has been completed, a second stage is as follows.

Imagine that you lower abdomen is a large mixing bowel, stretching from the bottom of ribs down to top of pelvis. The idea is to mix up this area, as if mixing a cake. The mixing is done with a circular motion of the abdominal muscles, much like the a wheel on a steam train is driven around, with a force applied at a point that rotates around the wheel. Starting at the bottom of the abdominal cavity, suck in the abdomen. Move the point of contraction up the right side of the abdomen, across the top of the abdomen, and down the left side, and across the bottom again. As you move the contraction up the right side, breathe in. As you move the contraction down the left side, breathe out. This mixing, stirring motion should result in the whole body moving and rocking from side to side, and should be done quite vigorously. The breaths are short and shallow.

This can be kept up for a minute or two, no more, as by then you will be getting tired, and one should stop before the point of muscles fatiguing.

After this exercise, you should feel a warmth and heat in the abdomen, which is rejuvenating all the internal organs with an increased flow of blood and moving out toxins with movement of lymph, as well as providing the opportunity for universal life force healing energies to surge through your being.

A follow up meditation of your choice will work very well after these exercises.

Acceptance of one’s self – its something that all of the great spiritual traditions talk about. But I have found that, for me, it has not been an easy thing to accomplish. First off, one needs to know what one is, and what one is capable of. But how is one to know what one’s limitations are, unless one aims beyond them? Also, each of us is in a constant state of becoming somebody new, each day. A small proportion of people seem to be aware of this process, and work constructively and creatively with it. However, unfortunately, and the cause of much sadness and unhappiness, in my opinion, most people are made by their circumstances, and become not what they choose to be, but what circumstances dictate for them.

However, this is not to pass judgement on your ordinary person, because all of us are in that boat, to a greater or lesser extent. And the main reason is that this is the route of least resistance in life. To take a different path is to make things difficult for oneself, in so many ways. But in the long run, these difficulties are nothing compared to the prospect of becoming what life has made of one, instead of taking charge of what you wish to become.

We are becoming each day on so many different levels. Obviously, there is our job and money making side of life. It’s not controversial to think about one’s career and earning capacity, and to plan out the steps one needs to take to achieve career goals. However there is also the emotional side of life, one’s immediate and wider family, one’s partner if you have one, significant friendships, children, community activities and the like. It is ironic that many people who are very motivated to take care of their careers allow this side of their life to become what it makes of itself. As the years go by, they may find themselves with fewer friendships, with love relationships that are unsatisfying, perhaps going through separation and divorce.

Feelings of loneliness, isolation and depression abound in the modern society. The point I am making is that the emotional side of life needs to be taken in hand, and I speak most strongly here to my male brothers, who may not be used to thinking in these terms. Unless one takes charge of developing one’s emotional life in a positive direction, it will become what life makes of it for you. In certain fortunate cases, life has smiled on a person, and a rich and wonderful emotional life and network has grown up to support them, seemingly of its own accord. However, all too often, the circumstances of life lead to betrayal, separation, hurtfulness and disempowerment of one sort or another. If we let our emotional life and sensibility simply respond and react to such experiences, then loneliness and bitterness are the all too likely result.

A key concept in many styles of psychological assistance for people experiencing difficulties and problems in their life is to assist them to gain some feeling of control over their situation. There is nothing worse than feeling that life is happening to you, and that there’s absolutely nothing that can be done about it. This feeling of being trapped and powerless, that there is nothing that one can do to change things for the better, is corrosive for the soul.

How do I know? There are times when I have felt these things. I don’t imagine that I am the only one. Nor do I imagine that my problems are half so bad as some other people’s. It has been a constant struggle for me to keep taking charge of my life, and my self, and my emotional connections to others. In my book, “The Great Work”, I talk about the need to move the locus of control within the horizon of the expanded self – not just the rational mind, but the whole self, which includes the spiritual self and aspects of the collective consciousness. There are some exercises in that book which ought to help people to make such a change. And I might add, there are plenty of other self help and spiritual paths that can help one make the change as well.

One of the greatest struggles I have had to overcome is the paucity of time that one develops working in a full time job. Sometimes it seems there is barely enough time to sleep, eat, commute, and do the daily grind, let alone contemplate one’s soul purpose and how it might be manifested, develop and nurture relationships and friendships, or otherwise care for what we are becoming.

And in this struggle, a great comfort is acceptance. If one can accept what one is at this point in time, what one has become, what friendships and relationships one has, and their quality or lack of it, what one feels about oneself and one’s life, then one is starting to know oneself. One can move on effectively from a place of acceptance, because you know where you are, and a direction can be set.

However I have found that it is not easy to accept what one has become in life, especially if one has dreams and aspirations that remain unfulfilled. Take me, for example. I have dreamt of becoming a successful writer and musician for 25 years. Yet I am working in a day job to pay the bills and support my family. What  does it mean to me to accept what I have become? Should I give up those dreams, so long and dearly held, which have caused such grief and anguish for me? Which have continuously held up to me a sense of dissatisfaction with my lot in life, and pointed out the failure of the life I have dreamed for myself to take shape around me?

I guess I have learnt that it take’s more than a dream to bring one’s life under one’s influence and direction. It also takes the preparedness and the skill to act effectively in manifesting that dream. And in the interests of accepting myself, I freely admit that this has been a failing of mine. Curiously, I am not being hard on myself, or down on myself, just honest. I have learnt, through experience, which some may call bitter, but which I call valuable, that dreams require purposeful and effective action in order to manifest. It seems blindingly obvious, doesn’t it. But it’s something I have missed for 25 years, and I shall try now to explain the reasons for it.

In my late teens and twenties, when these dreams came to the fore, I had a certain belief in the unseen hand of the greater consciousness. I believed that if these things were meant to be, then they would be so. I was very interested in Buddhism and Taoism, and the eastern philosophies generally, and one could say that “Going with the flow” was a motto of mine during this phase of my life. I was open to experience, which was a good thing. But I had a tendency to be swept along by other people’s enthusiasms and interests.

However behind this, the real reason for failing to manifest my dreams was that I lacked faith in myself. I lacked the confidence and belief in my own abilities, to choose to follow those dreams to their conclusion. I don’t like to admit it, even now, but the history of my life demonstrates that I haven’t really ever taken those dreams seriously. Oh yes, I have loved to dream them, and sporadically take some action in this direction or that, playing in a band, or tapping away on a keyboard. To be fair, I have begun to take a concerted effort with my writing, and this Blog, and my book are a testament to that. But even so, there seem to be so many distractions, and so little time. Sometimes several days go by without my taking the time to express my thoughts. And when this happens, I become somewhat sullen and withdrawn.

I met a guy once many years ago who drove construction machinery and lived on the Gold Coast. He wasn’t in a steady relationship, and every Friday night he went out on the town to one of the pick-up bars to “find a root”, as he would say. He explained to me, then a callow youth of 17, that if he didn’t get a root every week, he became grouchy and bad-tempered.

Perhaps it’s the same with me and writing. If I don’t involve myself in this creative expression regularly, I become sullen and withdrawn. I have observed this in operation for many years now. But I am still trying to figure out how to get enough time to do the writing I need to do, and which I pray, by the will of the Ancient Ones, is helpful for someone else in their life journey.

When one gets married, and has children, it becomes that much harder to maintain a sense of control over one’s life. At least, this is what I have found. One has less freedom to change jobs, to up-stakes and move somewhere, or to reduce one’s income levels to make more time for creative pursuits. It sometimes seems that one’s time is no longer one’s own. Not only has one to keep up with one’s own extended family, but one’s spouse’s as well, and all the commitments and engagements that go along with children’s time at school. This has been very distressing for me, particularly since my wife gave up work in order to have our child, and having worked in an all-consuming occupation and industry, has been unable to get part time work that gives her scope for parenting responsibilities. She has decided to develop herself as an artist, and puts a lot of time and energy into it. I support her wholeheartedly in her efforts, and hope that one day they pay off. She makes wonderful giant puppets, in conjunction with a bunch of creative people in the little village where we live. However, this has meant that I have had to keep the day job, and make my own artistic aspirations a sporadic and part time activity. Sometimes a week goes by, without me having the chance to express myself creatively, in words or music. I can’t pretend that this doesn’t put a strain on our relationship, and it comes back to feeling that I lack control over my life. It’s natural in such a situation to develop feelings of resentment towards a person who seems to be taking the opportunity to develop their own dreams and aspirations at one’s own expense, especially if one has similar dreams oneself.

So this is something that I have to be on the look-out for all the time. If I allow my emotional life to develop as the effect of my current circumstances, there can only be one result – bitterness and resentment. However, I may choose to respond differently to these circumstances. This choice begins with acceptance. Firstly, I can accept that my wife is not in a position to earn any significant income at this stage in her life. I can accept that she is dependent on me. I can also accept that the imposition of forced reciprocity is corrosive to any relationship. What I am saying, is it’s natural, if one allows one’s emotions and feelings to be formed solely by one’s circumstances, to develop resentful and bitter feelings if either party feels forced by the other to do things they don’t want to do.

Or, I can take control of my feelings, and choose to develop some other emotional response to the same circumstances. For example, it is a gift to give someone the chance to develop their artistic talents. In the giving of such a gift can come much satisfaction and reward. In this way, love can develop, instead of bitterness and resentment, even though the outer circumstances may be no different.

It is not easy to take control over one’s emotional life. But knowing that one can choose to have one’s emotional response to any situation  develop in a positive and life enhancing way is the first step. The second step is self observation – knowing one’s emotional responses, and indeed one’s habitual emotional responses to the daily circumstances of one’s life. The third step is  deciding to develop those emotional responses in a different direction. The fourth step is developing strategies to develop one’s habitual emotional responses in a positive life affirming direction. The fifth step is actually putting those strategies into action. The sixth step is contemplating on the effectiveness of the strategies one has adopted, which may involve getting feedback from one’s partner. The seventh step is fine-tuning one’s strategies as time goes by, based on continued self observation, contemplation and feedback, in a cycle of positive development.

Being a pagan, I see this cycle as the sunwise cycle of manifestation, characterised by the four elements Air, Fire, Water and Earth. Beginning with Air, plans are made, in this case, strategies are developed to develop one’s habitual emotional responses in a positive direction. Then action, corresponding to the element of Fire, follows, as those strategies are put in place. Consequences of those actions follow, corresponding to Water, and we receive the fruit of our actions, for good or ill. We must then digest those consequences, and think about the actions that lead to them, corresponding to the element of Earth. And from the rich compost of these digested experiences, allow new ideas and refinements to our strategies to take shape, starting the cycle again with the element of Air.

However there is another cycle of manifestation which needs to be kept in mind, and this is the moon-wise cycle of manifestation. In this cycle, the true nature which encompasses the collective consciousness of life as well as our conscious individuality, begins in stillness and when the space is created for it (Earth) to move within our depths, so that feelings, dreams and intuitions rise to the surface of our consciousness (Water) moving us to action (Fire) which, however, we may not understand, or which may frighten us, or which seems irrational, but which if followed through with courage, and faith in one’s Greater Self, leads to positive and beneficial outcomes, which can be appreciated and understood only in retrospect, when one reflects (Air) on what has taken place.

I believe that the sun wise and moon wise cycles of manifestation must be kept in a harmonious balance. If one’s plans and strategies set one on a collision course with the moon-wise manifestation cycle, then grief and hardship is the result. The sun rules in balance with the moon. Day and night have their equal and complementary gifts. It comes back to knowing ourselves, before we set our plans and strategies for achieving our aims. What aims and goals are emerging from our depths as human  beings? What aims and goals  are we adopting as a matter of style, peer group pressure, parental influence, or cultural norms?  I have a chapter in my book “The Great Work” which deals with this very important difference, and which gives some magical exercises for dealing with it.

To know ourselves then, is our first task. And to accept ourselves is our second. And the third step can then be taken – to take effective action in pursuit of our goals and aims. But are those deep goals and aims which emerge from our depths really ours, or are they the goals and aims of Herself, in whatever way you conceive of Her? In the end, there is no separation, only realisation. All life is one. We are of the one heart and soul. But it’s difficult at times to realise this, to feel this, and to manifest this. The Buddhists are fond of saying that it is a world of illusion. Perhaps this is an aspect of what they mean.

I went over to a friend’s place the other night, who lives a bit out of town. The moon wasn’t up, it was a clear night, and the stars were beautiful. We were sitting around a fire in his backyard, pooling our scant knowledge of the heavens. The Southern Cross, we all knew of course, and the pointers, one of which is Alpha Centauri, the closest star to us here on Earth, being only 4 light years away. Some people of my vintage will of course be very familiar with Alpha Centauri, as this was the destination the Robinsons were heading for in “Lost in Space”, aboard their flying saucer, the “Jupiter 2”. But I digress. Scorpio was overhead, and we all became familiar with its distinctive shape, like a big question mark whose curly tail is in the milky way, with an arrowhead pointing roughly west, and the red giant Antares, very distinctive as the heart of the scorpion. Actually, the arrowhead was pointing more

We were informed by one of the attendees that the four major moons are named after mythological figures that were ravished by Jupiter, or Zeuss to give him his Greek name. Ganymede, was in fact the most beautiful youth in the world, seized by Zeuss in the form of an eagle, to be the cupbearer of the gods, and indeed Zeuss’s lover. Anyway, it was neat to see the three moons that we could see, lined up in a row, around the disk of Jupiter.

It’s good to get out under the stars every now and again, and gaze up at the heavens. Long after the oil runs out, and the crunch of living within our means has been and gone, the twinkling stars will be shining down in much the same way. It doesn’t do to be too self absorbed, they seemed to be saying to me. Relax. Enjoy the star-shine. For tens of thousands of years, people have looked up at the stars, and wondered about the mystery and beauty of life. It will be still be so in ten thousand years time, although it’s my hope that by then people will have figured out how to help each other be happy, and live in harmony with each other and all the other life forms on this beautiful planet we call home.

I thought today I would give you a catch up on what I am currently doing in my morning practice. I think it is a wonderful thing to have a regular spiritual or magical practice, in which one develops magical and spiritual skills, but which also provides a framework  for touching and being touched by the deeper energies and forces of existence. Now it is a great mystery to me exactly what those deeper or more transcendent energies are, but I treat them as if they were external energies transmitted from the male and female poles of creation, and manifesting around me as spiritual forms and entities, Deities and Guides. And this seems to work, at least for me.

Anyway, when I am working with a particular aspect or energy, I like to focus on it for a period of time, and work with it, and I find that things develop. Having a half hour or so set aside each morning provides the framework for this interaction with the deep mystery of the nouminal forces and presences of creation.

Enough crapping on, here is what I have been doing of late. First of all, I start off with half an hour of a yoga routine, to keep things balanced in the physical body. Then I work with some exercises for cultivating male sexual energy. I read Mantak Chia’s book on this subject quite a few years ago now, and what I do is based on the system he explains. Over the years, it has drifted away, I dare say, from the exact methods described in that work, but here is what I do, for your information.

1. Testicle breathing.

Sitting comfortably in Japanese style on the ground, breathe in, visualising the breath filling up the testicles, as they drop down and away from the body. Breathe out, while constricting the pelvic floor muscles several times, squeezing the concentrated sexual seed essence, visualized as a cold, white, viscid liquid, up from the testicles to a reservoir at the perineum, the root chakra between the anus and the root of the penis.

If you read Mantak Chia’s book, you will find that the idea is to move the sexual essence, which should remain cool, from the reservoir at the perineum, to the sacrum at the base of the spine, and up the spine in various stages until it reaches the top of the head, after which it drips down again through the roof of the mouth, following the acupuncture meridians. When I first read the book, I followed Mantak’s procedures over a number of months, and found that it works just like he says. However I am just starting again, so now I have the sexual essence moved up to the sacral reservoir at the base of the spine. Will, that is to say, I did have. Sexual activity that results in ejaculation depletes the concentration of the sexual essence, and the concentration must be built up again!

2. Stomach breathing uniting energies of Earth and Heaven.

After doing the testicle breathing, I proceed to the exercise that I have described more fully elsewhere, so I wont go into all the details. In short, as I breathe in, I visualise the spiritual sun above my head, sending down a ray of light through my crown chakra, and filling my body and auric field with bright white or yellow light. Then holding the breath in, I contract my anal sphincter, and seven times in rapid succession, draw in my visceral organs  with a rapid contraction of the diaphragm, thus concentrating the drawn in light energy in the centre of my body, at the naval chakra. Then I release the anal sphincter, and as I breathe out, I visualize a dark red light emanating from the earth’s vibrant centre, sending out a ray of light, striking my root chakra, and filling my body and auric field with dark red earth energy. When the breath is fully out, I constrict my anal sphincter, and nine times in rapid succession, draw in my visceral organs with a rapid contraction of the diaphragm. Then I release the anal sphincter again, and repeat the whole thing, for several more minutes.

3. Energy-Puncture.

Some of you may know that I studied shiatsu in my younger years, which involved learning about the acupuncture meridians, acupuncture points, and the basics of Chinese medicine. I put this background to use in the following way. Where there is a pain in my body, I visualise an acupuncture needle going into the painful area. I visualize the read energy of the earth coming up in a concentrated laser beam to meet the tip of the needle within my body. I visualise a laser-like yellow or white ray coming from the spiritual sun to hit the acupuncture needle from the outside, so that the needle is energised and directs the laser beam of universal energy in a concentrated fashion at the site of painfulness. At the moment, I can successfully visualize about four acupuncture needles in different places at the same time, but I am working at increasing this number, through the next exercise I will describe. I have found this exercise to be very powerful – I have been working this way on my throat and jaw, and this could very well be the reason I have been crying so much the last couple of days!  (It happened again yesterday – radio national had a show on death and dying – so many moving stories – couldn’t help weeping).

4. Wheel visualization.

This visualisation I have already described, so I will do it here only briefly. The visualisation is based on an 8 spoked wheel. On the in breath, focus on the centre, and on the out breath focus on the rim where a spoke intercepts. Move your eyes around the rim, briefly focusing on each intersecting spoke as you go, coming back to the first spoke intersection on the count of 9. As you breathe in, focus on the centre. Repeat, starting with the next spoke around sunwise.  Proceed around the circle in nine breaths, finishing where you start. Then repeat, with the variation that instead of moving your focus to the rim where it intersects with a spoke, stay focussing on the centre, but broaden your awareness along both sides of a spoke, and focus your attention on the opposite ends of a double spoke, while your eyes stay focussed on the centre. It’s difficult at first to separate your attention from your visual focus, but after a bit of effort its not too hard. Then proceed as before, but this time in groups of five, focussing on the centre and attending to the centre as you breathe in, and as you breathe out, allowing the attention to split and move to each side of the wheel, where opposite spokes intersect the rim. As you breathe out, move your attention around the wheel on each side, from a set of opposite spoke ends to the next pair, until back at the starting pair on a count of five.

Do this for a number of breaths. When mastered, try splitting the attention into four. On the out-breath, send your attention to the end of two pairs of opposite spokes. Alternate this with the other two pairs of alternate spokes, and of course attending and focussing on the centre for each in breath. When you can do this with the attention split into four, try splitting the attention into six, and when this is mastered, splitting it into eight. I am comfortable at the moment with a four way split, and working on perfecting the six way split, and have had some success with an eight way split, though it’s a strain. It shouldn’t be a strain, so find your limit, and work just below it, and every now and again, see if you are ready to move to the next step by trying it.

5. After this I call in elemental energies, and greet my deities and ask for their blessing. Sometimes I do this first, but if I do it first, I am likely to get distracted working with my deities and their energies. Sometimes I will do something else for a couple of days, and then come back to this routine. I expect that I will focus on working this way for a month or so, or for as long as it seems right. Also these practices, like all such practices, have a life of their own. Once you start working with them, they will start to teach you how you should work with them. That is, variations and developments will suggest themselves to you as you grow and develop. The inner wisdom will begin working and showing you how best to make these practices (or indeed whatever inner practices you are working with) work for you, at this moment.

These practices described above take me about half an hour to work through, an hour if I count the yoga, and a bit longer if I’m not in a hurry to get up and going, and have the luxury of letting them stretch out a bit. Any one of these practices would be enough if you are beginning a practice. However practice gives one the ability to work more quickly, and more quickly get into the right frame of mind. What am I expecting them to achieve? Well that is another story, for another day!

The weight of un-cried tears

I have been doing a bit of weeping lately. Nearly all of my weeping, strangely enough, I do in the car, as I am driving along. Mostly I will be listening to an interview on the ABC, and I just begin to weep. The other day, it was an interview with Sally Sara, the ABC’s

Partly, it is about the sorrow and pain that people suffer, and partly it is about realising my own pettiness and self absorption. And partly it is about the weight of un-cried tears, finding in this juxtaposition of circumstances, a way to let themselves out, and ease the internal pressure.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt an awful need to cry, which has been very difficult for me give vent to. It is a very physical sensation for me, a lump in the throat, with its own presence and pain. And over time this lump in the throat and its associated muscle tension has spread to pain in my right shoulder, and pain and tension in my right jaw joint.

For many years in my youth, I became obsessed with the need to cry, but was unable to allow myself the luxury of feeling and expressing grief. The puzzling thing was, I knew the grief was there, but I had, and in fact still have, no idea exactly  why. That’s not to say I don’t have my theories and insights, and powerful experiences related to grieving. Re-birthing for instance, brought up a lot of grief for me, and I was in a space where I felt able to cry, unashamedly. In fact, most people in the re-birthing workshop I went to were weeping uncontrollably at some stage of the proceedings. Yet for all that wonderful release, there is something that remains unacknowledged, it seems, some hidden ur-grief that is as yet un-assuaged.

For many years I followed a meditational and contemplative path whose philosophy was to focus on the positive, and so grief and weeping were pushed aside for light and love. For all the wonderful light, love and positivity that came into my life during that time, this hidden grief remained. To cut a long story short, I left that path, which is a story for another day, and embarked on further spiritual adventures, which led me to embracing neo-paganism and the western mystery tradition.

I am not to the point of having overcome this weight of un-cried tears as yet, but I feel I am starting to come to an understanding of it. You can read about my thoughts on the “Wound” and the “Wasteland” – themes of Arthurian romance and the informing esoteric tradition behind it, in my book “The Great Work”. I believe this grief is related to many things. The force of personal archetypes in becoming a man; the relationships with my father, and his with his father before him; and the frustrations and confusion felt by the clash of idealism (youth) and the reality of life in the modern age. How easy it is to lose oneself in the search for making a living, the enjoyment of life, seeking of sexual partners, and the day to day routine of having a family and holding down a job. How easy it is to give up one’s truth on the alter of religion, business or marriage. Sometimes it seems amazing that in the midst of such un-relenting materiality in the modern world, that anyone at all can preserve the spark of Divine knowledge and being within themselves.

So I weep in my car, where I am completely and inviolably alone. There is no-one who will interrupt me. There is no-one who will see me. And there is something about the occupation and concentration required in driving that seems to free things up in my ability to express raw emotions. Perhaps there is that much less mental energy available for keeping the lid on those tears. And when the weeping becomes too much for safe driving, I pull over, as I wouldn’t want to cause any more grief – there is already far too much of it in the world.